


the pieces of my heart are missin you

by FireLordShiro



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam/Shiro Relationship Fix-it, Adashi Week 2018, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Adam/Shiro (Voltron), Fix-It, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Post-Season/Series 02, Pre-Season/Series 03, Shadam, adashi, realistic ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-16
Packaged: 2019-08-24 14:53:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16642361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireLordShiro/pseuds/FireLordShiro
Summary: post season 2 finale - shiro wakes up in the astral plane, broken and confused. a familiar face is there to explain this new situation.





	the pieces of my heart are missin you

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was my therapeutic way of dealing with the wedding leaks from season 8. so. yeah. 
> 
> also the title comes from avril lavigne's "when you're gone"

_ Ow _ .

 

That was the first thing to cross Shiro’s consciousness when he finally came to. Everything hurt. Muscles he didn’t know he had hurt. The metal Galra arm hurt, somehow, which he didn’t think was really possible.

 

So he just laid there. On the floor. Ground. Dirt? Not sure. But he laid. He laid still and let the memories come in waves. 

 

Zarkon. The black bayard. The black lion. A bright flash of purple light. A horrible, piercing scream. His own scream. And then nothing. Nothing.

 

Nothing except pain. Pain that had now become a dull buzz through his entire body. It was almost numbing, almost soothing. So Shiro laid there, still as stone, and let his body get used to the new ache in its bones. He refused to open his eyes. Not that opening them would do much good, because as far as he could tell he was face down on the ground. So he used his other senses to begin to take inventory of wherever the hell he was.

 

The air around him was brisk, but not cold. That ruled out space as a possible location. Open space was freezing cold, always.

 

He wasn’t on a planet either. All planets had climates, weather patterns. There was always some kind of wind. A light breeze, the whistle of the wind as it passed by. But here, there was nothing. Just stillness.

 

He wasn’t on a spaceship. It was far too quiet to be a space ship. It was eerily quiet. So quiet his mind began to play tricks on him, imagining sounds for itself. 

 

_ Where am I? _

 

The pain spiked and Shiro groaned when he pushed up onto his hands and knees. He couldn’t just lay there forever, no matter how badly he wanted to. He needed to find out where he was, where his friends were, where Zarkon was.

 

Shiro turned himself over, sat down and crossed his legs. He looked around. He thought idly that if he hadn’t been sent to Kerberos, abducted by evil aliens, trained as a gladiator in their alien arena, poked and prodded at as a puppet, given an alien prosthetic arm in place of his perfectly functioning human one, found inside an alien spacecraft that crash landed on earth, and recruited to be the leader of the universe’s greatest weapon, he would have been shocked at what he saw. But as it were, he couldn’t bring himself to be surprised.

 

There were stars. So many stars. Stars everywhere. Much closer than he had ever seen from earth. Much brighter than they had ever been in space. Two of them were odd colors for stars. Red and blue. Maybe those were far away planets.

 

And the ground, where he had been laying, wasn’t ground at all. The closest comparison he could come up with was a reflective pool, though there was no water. Just a vast expanse of shining ground, reflecting the stars. Shiro leaned over and looked for his reflection. When he found it, he finally surprised himself. 

 

He looked the same as before. Well, he looked the same as he did that morning. Same white forelock, same undercut, same deep scar across the bridge of his nose. The only difference was the flickering purple haze outlining his figure. He looked down at his hands to find the haze circling him there, too. Not just as a reflection, but as a part of his person.

 

Shiro was too busy growing increasingly anxious about his predicament to notice the materialization of someone else behind him.

 

“... _ ashi _ ”

 

His head snapped up at the voice, the only noise registering in this landscape besides his own frantic breathing. He looked from side to side, eventually standing up and turning in circles until he saw it: a vague form, the same glittering purple haze as its outline, walking toward him. He squinted hard as it took a more concrete form.

 

The figure stopped ten feet away from him. Its hands dangled freely at its sides, and it watched Shiro. It watched Shiro watching it. It watched as the realization came.

 

It took a few seconds for the truth to sink in. Shiro shook his head, he rubbed his eyes. He scoffed once, twice, three times. He looked to his left and to his right, trying to find the source of the illusion.

 

The flight suit. The familiar orange and gray of the Garrison. The glasses, with their black frames and square lenses. The sharp jawline. The rich, hazel eyes. The honey brown skin and hair to match. 

 

But, it couldn’t be… 

 

“Adam?”

 

But that smile. The smile he had seen so many times, what seemed like a million years ago. He would recognize that smile anywhere.

 

“Takashi.”

 

Shiro faltered and his jaw fell open. His feet moved before his brain and he was running, crossing the distance between them and forgetting about where he was, about what he was.

 

Then he was there, and he caught Adam in the kind of hug he hadn’t experienced since before Kerberos. Shiro buried his face in Adam’s neck, long repressed tears finding their escape. He felt sturdy arms wind around his back, and Adam was holding him. Just like he did all those years ago.

 

“How-” Shiro hiccuped, his words catching in his throat. “How are you here?”

 

Adam didn’t respond, so Shiro kept talking.

 

“I’m so sorry. I never should’ve left.” His shoulders shook and he squeezed his eyes shut against the onslaught of tears. “I never should’ve left you, Adam, I should’ve stayed.”

 

Then hands were rubbing soothing circles on his back, and a soft breath surrounded his ear as Adam coaxed him down. “Shhh…”

 

Shiro was unsure of how many minutes passed that way, in Adam’s arms. It didn’t matter. No amount of time could be enough. His tears turned to sobs, big, heaving sobs that tore through his body without his consent. Adam held him through it all. 

 

When his breathing finally began to calm, Shiro pulled back just enough to look Adam in the eye. His eyes looked so familiar, yet so different. Like they were removed from their life. Like they were shadows.

 

“Wh-” Shiro’s voice caught on a hiccup when he tried to speak. “Where are we?”

 

Adam fixed him with a stare and held him still as he spoke. “This is what’s known as the astral plane.”

 

Shiro could feel the confusion on his face, and he flushed lightly when Adam’s lips quirked into a smile, exposing the barely there dimple at the left of his lips. That smile had always been his downfall.

 

“This is the plane between the physical world and, well…” Adam paused, his eyes searching Shiro’s face for understanding and finding none, “beyond.”

 

Shiro’s brows furrowed and he blinked far more rapidly than was necessary. 

 

“I’m dead?” He asked, horror clear on his features. Adam could see the exact moment when the reality crashed in on him. “ _ You’re _ dead?!” Shiro gripped tightly to Adam’s shoulders, his eyes wild and full of fear. 

 

Adam gave a weak smile and closed his eyes, breathing deeply before giving an explanation.

 

“Takashi, I died in the first wave of defense on Earth.” Adam opened his eyes, meeting Shiro’s with steely determination. “The Galra attacked, and my squadron was deployed. It was quick, I barely felt a thing. But, I died. Five months ago.”

 

Shiro felt the fight go out of him. He slumped, limp, to the reflective floor, staring but not seeing. 

 

“It’s my fault.”

 

His vision blurred at the edges, the space around him beginning to spin. The stars swirled above and below, and the world caved in. Adam was dead. He was dead because Shiro led the Galra straight to Earth. He was dead because Shiro had been stubborn and headstrong and not caring enough. He was dead because Shiro went to Kerberos in the first place, against Adam’s wishes and better judgment. He was dead because Shiro was so fucking selfish.

 

The dark thoughts descended upon him with no warning, and soon Shiro was on the ground, rocking back and forth with his arms hugging his knees to his chest. 

 

He jumped when a large hand landed on his shoulder. He had forgotten Adam’s presence beside him. 

 

Adam joined him on the ground, sitting Indian style directly across from him. He sat with his hands in his lap, leaning forward slightly.

 

“Takashi,” he started, “none of this was your fault.”

 

Shiro started to object but Adam held up a hand, silencing him.

 

“Even if you hadn’t escaped the Galra in a pod, they would have come to Earth eventually. They were going to find the Blue Lion. It was all a matter of time.”

 

Shiro stopped rocking, holding onto every word that Adam said.

 

“Kerberos was your destiny. Voltron was your destiny. You’ve accomplished so much and I’m so proud of you.”

 

Shiro leaned forward, releasing his knees to mimic Adam’s position across from him. He reached his hands out and smiled when Adam met them with his own. 

 

“You’ve been through so much, Takashi. More than anyone should ever ask of you. You’re so strong. You’ve always been so strong.”

 

Shiro could see the strong mask faltering, could see Adam’s jaw go taut trying to hold in the emotion.

 

“That’s why I couldn’t watch you leave. We didn’t know how much time we had left, and I thought you were being so unreasonable to go on the mission. But you weren’t. I see that now. Shit, I saw that a long time ago. I just never got the chance to tell you.” Adam looked up from under thick lashes and Shiro could see the tears threatening to spill over. “I never stopped loving you. I don’t think I ever will.”

 

“I left because I didn’t want you to watch me die, Adam.”

 

Adam’s head snapped up at that, shock clear in his dark eyes.

 

“I didn’t have much time. The Garrison doctors gave me six months, maybe more if I was lucky. I couldn’t just stay there with you and waste away. I wanted you to remember me strong and healthy, and capable. And I wanted to be useful to the world in a way that would make them remember me.”

 

Shiro sniffed, his own tears gradually slipping over his eyelids and cascading down his cheeks.

 

“When I was taken prisoner, I didn’t even care. I thought I was going to die anyway. They couldn’t do worse to me than that. I guess that’s what they thought, too.” Shiro turned his head to the side, indicating for Adam to follow his line of sight to his prosthetic. “They took my arm and replaced it with this. It’s been two years since I was given six months to live. I guess in some sadistic way I have an evil alien overlord to thank for saving my life.” He laughed. “Even though I guess he’s also to thank for ending it now.”

 

Adam huffed a laugh in response, running his thumbs over Shiro’s. 

 

“He didn’t kill you, Takashi.” Shiro made a squeaking noise at the back of his throat, but Adam pressed on. “Zarkon. He didn't kill you. He got damn close. Your body is gone. It was sent to another reality during the explosion. But the Black Lion… it saved your soul.”

 

Shiro couldn’t keep up with all of the questions floating through his brain, so he just sat in silence and waited for Adam to continue explaining.

 

“You aren’t dead. But you aren’t alive, either. You’re just … in between. Here. This is where you’ll wait for the right time.”

 

“What right time? Right time for what?”

 

“You’ll know it when it comes. You always did have some wicked intuition.” Adam smirked then, an expression so familiar and so long forgotten it knocked the breath from Shiro’s lungs. 

 

“I don’t have much time. I can’t stay.”

 

And Adam was shifting, rising to his feet, still holding on to Shiro’s hands. Shiro followed him, refusing to let go.

 

“What do you mean? Why can’t you stay here with me?”

 

“I don’t belong here, Takashi. This place is for those in between. I’ve crossed over. This place isn’t for me.” Adam’s eyes were wistful, longing. Shiro felt like he could get lost in those eyes forever. 

 

“I’ll go with you.”

 

Adam laughed, his eyes crinkling at the sides, dimples on prominent display.

 

“It’s not your time, my love. I’ll be there waiting for you when it is, but that time is far from now. You’re needed to serve a purpose higher than you or me. The universe needs you more than I do.”

 

Shiro blinked away tears and squeezed Adam’s hands tighter. 

 

“I don’t want to live in a world without you.”

 

Adam squeezed back.

 

“You’ll never be without me, Takashi. Never. Not even when you fall in love again and get married and start a family. Even then, you won’t be rid of me.”

 

Shiro balked. He shook his head profusely.

 

“No, no no no no. I’ll never find anyone as wonderful as you. Even if I could think of anyone else in that way, they would never be you.”

 

“You deserve love, Takashi. I want that for you. Once you’re done saving the universe, that is.” Adam smiled, his dark eyes twinkling with sincerity. “I know you will never forget me. It’s not about forgetting me, or replacing me. It’s about allowing yourself to love and be loved in the way that you deserve. I can’t be there to take care of you anymore. So I want someone else to take care of you, in the way that I would have.”

 

Shiro snapped his eyes shut, trying and failing to ignore the splitting pain in his stomach from the idea of moving on. But even as he shut out Adam’s words, he registered their honesty, their pure intention. He knew that Adam was right, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

 

“It’s time. I have to go back.”

 

“No!”

 

Shiro surged forward, wrapping Adam in his arms and pulling him close. Adam hugged him back. Shiro felt hot tears trail down the side of his neck. He couldn’t be sure if they belonged to him or to Adam.

 

“I love you, Adam.” Shiro’s proclamation came out muffled, his face still nestled deeply into Adam’s neck.

 

“And I will always love you, Takashi,” Adam’s voice faded out at the end, and as Shiro tightened his grip, he was gone.

 

Shiro fell forward, startled, and barely caught himself before he hit the ground. He turned in place, searching for something he knew he wouldn’t find. He felt the finality of the conversation settle in his chest. The tears still fell, but they were silent now. 

 

Shiro moved to sit himself down in the same way as before, legs crossed and sitting upright. He took in his surroundings once again. He took a deep breath in before he let it out, slowly.

 

He was alone.

 

But was he, really?

**Author's Note:**

> i cried while writing this, but I think it's an accurate representation of what losing someone feels like. I hope this helps to settle your feelings about shiro marrying someone else. adam would have wanted him to be cared for. 
> 
>  
> 
> find me on twitter @ softazula


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